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I finally broke it off

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Idk, this man is making me crazy

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I'm pretty sure it's over

Well, as much as I hate it things are over with the man I love. It hurts but it hurts more staying with someone that is so distant now. He was diagnosed with cancer and he has been pushing me away since. They removed it and he's fine now but evidently with the diagnoses he's decided I'm not to important to him so I have no choice but to walk away. It hurts so bad. I love him so much but he's hurting me.

Unusually Clingy

My german is on his way to Germany. He has business there for the next two weeks, it's going to be so hard without him around. I miss him already and he just left. All this week he has be unusually clingy. I couldn't get anything done. He would text or call at the most inoppurtune times. He asked me what I wanted for my birthday, I told him I wanted nothing. It seems to upset him when I tell him I don't want or need anything. My close friend told me that is probably just his way of showing me he cares. I just don't want him to think he has to do things for me to love him, I love him with all my heart. Of coarse, I have told him this and he always says "This is what a man does when he loves a woman." So, I am just going to have to learn to live with the fact that he does these things for me. I am just not use to a man being this way to me.
The thing is I took this week off work so I could "clear" my head so to speak. I was getting overwhelmed with work and our relationship and the fact we do work together, stresses me out sometimes and I needed some space. He called and he texted and I am no better off than I was last week. I needed some quiet time to sort things out. Maybe I should have took next week off since he will be gone and then and only then would I be able to think clearly because he does not have international calling on his phone, but they still have phones in Germany so I know he will still call.

I don't know where I am with him

We had a good week until Thursday. Now, we are arguing and there is so much miscommunication. He shuts down and won't talk to me and always seems to say "Everything is ok." I don't feel that it is. I feel like it's so far from ok that "ok" is not even in the realm of where we are. I wish I could walk away but I have tried that and I just can't. I love him but I really don't know why. I want to but the other circumstances just get in the way of me leaving him. What's the worst that could happen if I do? Well, I will need  another job, not really that big of a deal the company I work for is not that great anyway. I have been thinking of leaving my job anyway.

Wants to see me tomorrow

So the guy I just broke up with wants to see me sometime tomorrow. I know I can't see him. It will only hurt me so much more. He has to know that so why would he do that to me? He has texted me very little the past two days asking me how I am and telling me he loves me. I just don't believe his game. I love him so much with my whole entire heart and soul. I just wish he loved me the same way. I really thought for the last nine months that he did. Until he proved to me he didn't. I needed him so much and he wasn't there for me. I know he was traveling but I needed him emotionally. All I needed was one text "are you ok?" He never asked that. Two days went by before I heard from him again. My 27 yr old cousin suddenly died and all he could say was "I'm sorry about your cousin I'm sorry I'm not there now" then two days go by without a word from him. When he came back he wanted to act as if everything is ok. We have spent so much time together the last nine months. I thought we were more than that. He has never went two days without so much as an "I love you, are you ok?" But at the time I needed it most he didn't give it.

I'm just so sad today

I miss Michael so much. It's just so hard to be with out him. He texted me this morning and said he loved me. I just don't believe him anymore. I love him so much but I just can't be with him. I don't trust him. I don't believe him. All the places we have been together they all look different now. Just reminders of happier times when I felt loved by him and trusted him. My heart feels like someone jammed a metal stake through it. I'm trying everyday just to be "ok" I can't I cry so much. I know it's best for me to keep my back to him. I just don't think I can. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with this man. I can't spend the rest of my life with a man who has hurt me like he has. He has lied to me so much, so I can't believe the words "I love you" when he says it.

My heart is so broken

My bf and I broke up. It's so hard. 9 months of happiness is now nothing but a memory. It hurts so bad. I want to curl up and cry. I loved him so much but I guess I was nothing at all to him. That hurts more than anything to know I can be discarded so easily. I have him my whole heart and he broke it into a million pieces. I just don't want to face another day. I wanted to spend my life with him. Now that dream is gone.

Almost four months together

I have been with this man for almost four months. It's so hard to believe its been that long because everything is just so easy and so good with him. No one has ever been so kind and loving toward me. I love him so much. Every minute with him is like heaven. We stay up so late just talking and go to work so tired. I have never been happier.

I'm so sad today

I feel so bad today. Really sad. The man I have been seeing is out of town and will be for two weeks. Two weeks! It can't be helped, I know it but I miss him so much and it hurts. I feel so empty and alone without him. I miss him so much I feel sick. I'm just so very sad. I don't like that I feel this way and that I let him get into my heart like this because now I'm hurting and I should have never let him get so close to me because I don't want to be dependent on anyone for making me happy and now I see that I have become dependent on him to make me feel good. Right now without him I feel so bad. I wait on his call or text and I don't like it. I am debating on breaking it off, I've let him get too close to me. I know that eventually brings pain so it's better to hurt a little now then a lot later. He will hurt me sooner or later. I know it. I love him, I love him so much. I just feel so lost. I don't want to feel this. He left a footprint in the carpet by my bed where I had vacuumed and now it's gone. His side of the bed is so empty now and I sleep on the couch most nights. When I get up in the morning there's no one to have coffee with and I wonder how I'm going to get through this day. He says it's hard for him too. I don't know why but it's hard for me to believe. There's no way that he can understand how I am feeling. I'm so depressed.

Missing him

I am missing him so much today. The man that I am seeing is so sweet and so good to me. We did not get to see each other last night but he came this morning before work and we had coffee, this has been the morning routine with us and I love it. He is coming tonight and I can't wait to see him I miss him so much. The work day is so long but when we are together the time goes so fast. I love him so much. He is so kind. He takes such good care of me and he spoils me. I have never had that before and it's so nice to be treated so good. I will never take that for granted. He often asks me " Why couldn't we have met sooner?" I say " Because I wouldn't appreciate you the way I do if we had." I have been treated so bad by others and so has he, I think it took that life experience for both of us to make us the people we are and now that we have each other we can treat each other the way we deserve to be treated. I love every single second we spend together. He fell asleep in my lap the other night and I played with his hair while he slept and it was heavenly. He slept for an hour and it was so nice just to sit in total peace and quiet and watch him sleep. I was just so happy and wondered how could I get so lucky to have him there and in my life. He is wonderful, not perfect but I wouldn't change anything.

Saturday April,28

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Moving on

Tommy sent me a few texts yesterday. I'm debating on if I want to see him anymore. I just don't think I do. The last eight months it's just well I'm just tired of the way things are with us. There are things about him that I just don't like and I can't see spending anymore time with him. I know that no one is perfect everybody has or does something that irritates others but he just refuses to grow up and his grown children are the same way, it's just too much. That's just not something I want to be a part of, now I'm not saying he should turn his back on his kids no way and no how should he do that but they need to be accountable for some of the stuff they do. I feel like he wants me to idk, give and give and give emotionally but I just can't anymore and then he wants to say I'm turning my back on him. I just feel like I've given all I can as a friend as a lover and I just can't anymore. It's just time to say goodbye.

It's time to move on...again

I know I know I know I have said it before, but this time I truly truly mean it. It's time to move on from Tommy. We had fun but it's over now. I have not talked to him and I don't plan to, I know I may have to deal with him from time to time when he delivers to my job but I am just going to do my job and that is that. I went to lunch with a co worker the past two days and it was great. Great food great conversation and he was very sweet and such a gentleman. I know people are talking but I really don't care they are going to think and say what they want and really I could do a lot worse. I really like him. He treats me so good and he makes an effort to see me and spend time with me. I like that. I like his accent and he's great company, we laugh so much I love laughing with someone. Tommy was just always so filled with stress and he has so much drama with his kids I just don't want that anymore. My kids are grown and so is Tommy's but he still has to wipe their ass for them fortunately, I raised kids that stand on their own. This new guy that I am seeing well his kids are grown too, I need someone in my life that is fun and wants to go out and have fun and do things that I call living.

Today is the day and I really mean it this time.

So, today Tommy will be back in town, he's trying to make it back by the time I leave work so we can see each other and spend some time together. Well, I just don't think I can continue in this whatever this is we are doing. I'm ready to move on although, I do care about him I just don't want to do this anymore. It's not stable between us, there's always a miscommunication or something that throws us into a week of not speaking to each other and then we go back to not getting enough of each other. I'm just tired and I think it's better to end it now when we are on good terms even though ending it more than likely will put us on bad terms because when he feels like he snot in control and he's not the one ending things he gets upset and says I'm turning my back on him. I'm not I just want to go back to being friends I mean I know it won't be the way it was and we will more than likely not be friends but I'm just not happy in this anymore. I'm tired of having to prove that I care about him. I'm tired of the games and the drama. I'm tired of all the gripping and complaining about things that well really is nothing he should concern himself with. I'm tired of him wanting me to be someone else, there's nothing I want to change about him he is who he is and that's ok, but why can't he just let me be myself. I'm okay with who I am if he's not then I wasting my time anyway.

It's not GREAT sex until someone has a black eye

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I'm feeling better

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He broke the rule

We agreed less than 24 hours ago. We won't contact each other on Saturday, Sunday or Monday's. Less than 24 hours he sent me a text. Now, here we are. We just had dinner and he's watching the UGA baseball game. I'm still pretty sick maybe that's why he's here. Idk, but may e the rule doesn't apply when one of us is sick. Wait, it was my rule. No, the rule still applies butttt I think I'll let it go this time. I'm glad he broke the rule.

I just don't know maybe it's me.

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I'm sick but it's still an awesome day

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1-18 of 18 Blogs   

Previous Posts
I finally broke it off, posted April 16th, 2014
Idk, this man is making me crazy, posted November 28th, 2013
I'm pretty sure it's over, posted April 20th, 2013
Unusually Clingy, posted February 21st, 2013
I don't know where I am with him, posted January 27th, 2013
Wants to see me tomorrow, posted January 6th, 2013
I'm just so sad today, posted January 5th, 2013
My heart is so broken, posted January 1st, 2013
Almost four months together, posted August 19th, 2012
I'm so sad today, posted June 21st, 2012
Missing him, posted June 14th, 2012
Saturday April,28, posted April 28th, 2012
Moving on, posted April 11th, 2012
It's time to move on...again, posted April 6th, 2012
Today is the day and I really mean it this time., posted April 4th, 2012
It's not GREAT sex until someone has a black eye, posted April 3rd, 2012
I'm feeling better, posted April 2nd, 2012
He broke the rule, posted March 31st, 2012
I just don't know maybe it's me., posted March 31st, 2012
I'm sick but it's still an awesome day, posted March 30th, 2012
I don't feel well today, posted March 29th, 2012
I think these people are off their f'n meds, posted March 28th, 2012
So WTF?, posted March 27th, 2012
It's been a nice day, posted March 26th, 2012
Another busy day, posted March 21st, 2012
Yay! Me., posted March 20th, 2012
I'm doing ok, posted March 19th, 2012
Not as Blissful today, posted March 19th, 2012
Just another day, posted March 18th, 2012

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